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Why I Fucking Hate The Edinburgh Fringe

from New and Selected Breakdowns E​.​P. by Kevin P. Gilday

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lyrics

A city full of attention seekers
Certified cunt-convention
Confidence black hole
Wild dreams of audience retention
Mental exhaustion
Relentless and tiring
Being flyered by arseholes
Being the arsehole flyering
Self inflicted scurvy
Soggy chips on the menu
Performing in a bona fide cupboard
PBH putting you on in this fucking venue
Every square inch an advert
Billboards obscure the greenery
Being forced to endure
Amateur Sunday actors chewing the scenery

August in Edinburgh
Someone get these clowns an editor
They're charging money for an hour of this pish
Earnest self importance is rife
The Guardian supplement come to life
A capital terrorist attack my parting wish

Fannies on unicycles
Wankers on stilts
You've got your auld maw crying in her quilt
Performance artists
Part-time magicians
Your Da canny work under these conditions

Stop being an embarrassment
Failed child actor
Those dance lessons were a bust
Now you've taken up being a wanker
'But mime is in my blood' you cry,
'This art is my compulsion'
Just a few grand in government grants
And we'll really see some propulsion
But it's simple supply and demand my friend
And this festival is ruthless
There's no room here for soggy fops
Artisans, naive and toothless
So don't feel downhearted if your audience halves
When some cunt goes to the loo
After all, they're only in town to see that comedian
From 'Have I Got News For You'

credits

from New and Selected Breakdowns E​.​P., released February 19, 2016

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Kevin P. Gilday Glasgow, UK

Kevin P. Gilday is an award-winning writer and spoken word artist from Glasgow, Scotland.

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